If I'm Not In Love
by Ianinna Fallenheart
Summary: Hermione Granger is in serious denial.


Disclaimer:

Harry Potter belongs to JKR and affiliated publishing houses.  
The song "If I'm Not In Love" belongs to Faith Hill and affiliated recording companies.  
The idea of this fic is mine. Any similarities to any other fic is unintentional.

**--------**

**If I'm Not In Love**

Based on the song "If I'm Not In Love" by Faith Hill

_If I'm not in love with you  
_  
"Ha. That Ron. Who does he think he is?" Hermione Granger said through gritted teeth. "Oooh!"  
"Pixie dust!" Hermione snapped at the Fat Lady, who looked at her with disapproval.  
The door to the Gryffindor Common Room opened.

_What is this I'm going through  
_  
She stomped her way through the Common Room and went straight to the girls' dormitories.  
"What's with her?" asked Lavender Brown.  
Seamus Finnigan, who was playing Exploding Snap with Dean Thomas, shrugged. "Beats me."

_Tonight?  
_  
Hermione slammed the door to her room and let her things fall to the floor. She then let herself fall, facedown, on her bed. She didn't even bother to light a lamp.

_And if my heart is lying, then  
_  
She lay there in the dark, fuming.  
"How could he do that?" Hermione said against the sheets. "Stupid prat!"  
Ron tried to curse Draco Malfoy after dinner. He got angry at him for saying something foul about Hermione.

_What should I believe in?  
_  
Ron followed Malfoy out of the Great Hall, and tried to curse him. Had Hermione not seen Ron and Malfoy raise their wands against each other, he could have been sent straight to Azkaban. Or worse, he could have been killed by Malfoy or one of the Slytherins.

_Why do I go crazy  
_  
_"But Hermione," Ron struggled against Hermione's grip on his arm. "That stupid git just hurt your feelings!"  
"Ron, don't,"_ Hermione remembered herself saying. _"He isn't worth it."_

_Every time I think about you, baby?  
_  
She would never forget the look in Ron's eyes as he grudgingly put his wand down.  
The hatred. The pain.  
_Somewhere behind her, Malfoy was muttering something about "mudbloods and poor, pathetic Weasleys."_

_Why else do I want you like I do?  
_  
Why was there pain in his eyes? The hatred, she could understand—Malfoy was one of the most hateful persons in Hogwarts, if not in the whole wizarding world. But the pain was, well, strange.

_If I'm not in love with you?  
_  
The sheets felt damp from Hermione's tears. "Oh, Ron."

_And if I don't need your touch  
_  
_He's such a good friend._ Hermione thought. Ron standing up for her made her feel… special. Which, in turn, made her feel weird.

_Why do I miss you so much  
_  
She couldn't understand what she was feeling. She was a rational, logical person. Everything makes sense to her only if she knew the reasons.

_Tonight?  
_  
She was afraid, afraid for Ron. And she didn't know why. The thought of Ron falling over, dead, if Malfoy had been quick enough, terrified her more than anything else in her entire life.

_If it's just infatuation,  
_  
Ron had argued with her just outside the Great Hall. _"That stupid, good-for-nothing git!"_  
_"No,_ you're _the stupid git,"_ Hermione heard herself say. _"You could've been killed!"_

_Then_ _why is my heart aching__  
_  
_"Is that the thanks I get for defending you?" Ron looked at her, definitely pissed. "Fat chance I'll ever do that again!" And he stormed out of the castle. He was headed for Hagrid's.  
Hermione felt something plummet inside her._

_To hold you forever,_

What that was, she didn't know. She's had a million rows with Ron, but this one made her feel that her heart was being smashed into bits.

_Give a part of me I thought I'd never  
_  
Hermione suddenly sat up, wide-eyed and furious, at that thought.  
"He's Ron, for goodness sake!" Hermione told herself. "What are you about?"

_Give again to someone I could lose,  
_  
She stood up and went to the window. It was a full moon outside, and the stars were plenty. It was a beautiful night, and nights like these used to make her feel wonderful.  
But tonight was unlike any other. It was rather cold, with spring barely in, but Hermione felt peculiarly warm. And that made her bad mood worse.

_If I'm not in love with you?  
_  
"This has to be the weirdest night, ever." Nothing had made any sense to her since Ron picked a fight with Malfoy earlier.  
His chivalrous efforts always end up badly. She remembered when Ron tried to curse Malfoy and ended up with slugs coming out of his own mouth.

_Why in every fantasy  
_  
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed to clear her mind.  
Images of Ron before her appeared instead. On his broom during Quidditch practice, snowball fights in Hogsmeade, Ron goofing off on the Hogwarts express; Dinner tonight at the Great Hall.

_Do I feel your arms embracing me,  
_  
"Stop it!" Hermione told herself. "This is insane."  
She went to pick up her scattered things. She then lit a lamp and sat down on her writing desk.

_Like lovers lost in sweet desire?  
_  
She decided to do some homework to get her mind off Ron Weasley. She took out her Potions book, her quill and ink, and some parchment.  
Hermione referred to her book on something, and started writing.  
_The poison hemlock contains alkaloids so poisonous, that it is toxic to all kinds of livestock and humans._ Hermione wrote. _The philosopher Socrates committed suicide by drinking a potion made of poison hemlock._

_Why in dreams do I surrender  
_  
"I wish I could poison Malfoy," Hermione whispered. "That git."  
Malfoy might be a big coward, but Hermione wouldn't put it past him to be capable of killing.  
The look of pure loathing he gave Ron was good enough to make her think that he could. Malfoy's father was a Death Eater, after all. He might have taken from his father more than anyone thought he did.

_Like a little baby?  
_  
"Ron's my friend," Hermione told herself, louder this time. "Of course I'm worried about him."  
But something wasn't quite right about that idea.

_Someone help explain this feeling,  
_  
"Ugh," Hermione said. "I need air."  
She set her homework aside, and put out the lamp. She put on her cloak and headed outside.

_Someone tell me._

The Common Room was now practically deserted, except for Neville Longbottom who had fallen asleep on the couch. Quietly, she stepped out the door.  
She was headed to nowhere in particular, and then she saw Mrs. Norris making her way down the long corridor. _Filch must be nearby_, Hermione thought. She slipped out the nearest exit to avoid being seen by Hogwarts' caretaker.

_If I'm not in love with you,_

Hermione found herself heading for Hagrid's hut. _Oh well, she thought. At least I could use the conversation. _  
She figured that Harry and Ron must be in their rooms now, considering the lateness of the hour. _All the better._

_What is this I'm going through.  
_  
As she was nearing the hut, she thought she heard something in the bushes nearby.  
She took out her wand. "Who's there?"  
Ron stepped out of the shadows. "Sorry if I scared you."  
"Oh, it's you." Hermione said. "What are you still doing here?"

_Tonight?_

"I was just heading back," Ron said, suddenly very interested in his shoes. "How about you?"  
"I needed to take a walk," Hermione said, pocketing her wand. "And I wanted to ask Hagrid something."

_And if my heart is lying, then what should I believe in?  
_  
"I didn't mean to shout at you earlier," Ron began. "I, uh, I'm sorry."  
"I'm sorry, too." Hermione said. "I don't really think you're a stupid git."  
"Really?" Ron said, his face brightening.  
"Yes," Hermione said. "Though sometimes you _are_ a bit foolish."

_Why do I go crazy  
_  
To Hermione's surprise, Ron chuckled. "I guess I am, huh?"  
She found herself smiling back.

_Every time I think about you, baby?  
_  
"I wanted to thank you," Hermione said. "For defending me against Malfoy."  
If it wasn't dark, Hermione could've sworn that Ron's face turned scarlet.

_Why else do I want you like I do,  
_  
"No problem," Ron said, avoiding Hermione's gaze. "You would've done the same for me anyway."  
"Yeah, I probably would've." Hermione realized. "I probably would've."

_If I'm not in love with you?  
_  
Hermione's plans to speak to Hagrid was forgotten.  
Together, Ron and Hermione walked in companionable silence toward the castle, each of them deep in their own thoughts.  
Hermione couldn't have thought of a better way to end the night. She smiled.

Then she realized what was going on inside her all night.

_Bloody buggering hell. _She thought as she stole a glance at the boy beside her.


End file.
